ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #22: Get Vaccinated FREE in NYC - Health Advisory
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #22: Get Vaccinated Free in NYC - Health Advisory
Former kept boy and retired full-time escort“Dominick” transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate, where the art of the sell is supreme. He’s appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of appearances and upcoming publications here and at Red Umbrella Diaries.
The first time I walked into the Chelsea Clinic of the NYC Department of Health, it was 1986 and I was scared. One of my first lovers had revealed to me that he had AIDS. So I lined up with hundreds of other New Yorkers, got the test, and returned a couple of weeks later for the results. In a small room with a window overlooking the park out front, with trees and benches and a monument to World War I veterans, a staffer sat across from me. She said: “Your results are negative.” Now I wasn’t familiar with the language of testing — that a negative result means you don’t have the antibodies to the virus — so “negative” sounded bad to me. As the staffer sat finishing paperwork, I felt the blood drain from my head, and I fell into a swoon. The staffer broke from her professional demeanor and rushed over to keep me from hitting the floor. “No honey, ‘negative’ means you’re okay.” she said as she stroked my shoulder She found me some juice and sat with me for few minutes, until I could stand up. I felt greatly relieved, but also a little stupid.
Today I see my experience misunderstanding my result as a gift; I know what it feels like for people the moment they’re told their test came back positive. I think of that moment every time I walk past the Chelsea DoH Clinic. But last week, instead of walking past the clinic, I walked in. What prompted me to walk in was this new recommendation, announced on March 25: “Men who have sex with men, regardless of HIV status, who regularly have close or intimate sexual contact with men met through an online website, digital application (“app”), or at a bar or party…are advised to obtain a meningococcal vaccination.”
That description hit close to home; I’ve been getting to know my neighbors on Scruff and Grindr lately. Then I read about the recent cases. With this new variant, you go from having a headache and fever to an all over body rash and death within hours of onset. The disease runs its course so fast that many of its victims never make to a doctor. I’m not one to rush to the doctor over vague warnings, but I’m not fucking with this.
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #21: R.I.P. My Hungarian Brother
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #21: R.I.P. My Hungarian Brother
Former kept boy and retired full-time escort“Dominick” transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate, where the art of the sell is supreme. He’s appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of appearances and upcoming publications here and at Red Umbrella Diaries.
True story from 2006…
There’s this very sweet guy named J. from LA, a short, lean Jewish man, not unattractive. J. is a prominent agent/producer in the film industry. He hired me once and was very pleased. On his next trip to New York, he asks me to arrange for another guy to join us; “someone as hot as you” is the only guidance he offers. I suggest a porn star that I’d heard had recently started escorting, and J. immediately agrees (it seems J. knew his work). I don’t normally recommend porn stars; I’ve had the experience of some being all show and no go, clock-watchers. But I had it on the word of a friend in porn that this guy was genuine. You may know him as Arpad Miklos.
I make the arrangements and we meet J. in his suite City Club, a boutique hotel in midtown. The upper floor suites are duplexes, with a plush living room on one level, and a spiral staircase leading up to a sleeping loft. We sit the living room around and have a nice, flirty chat; J. is immediately charmed by Arpad’s Hungarian accent and dry humor. As he gets to know Arpad, J. is clearly overjoyed, and I relax knowing that my recommendation is a good one. J. keeps pulling snacks out of the mini-bar and offering them to us, and we keep eating them; Arpad’s especially greedy with the mixed nuts. I can’t help but think that J. might live to regret the add-on bill.
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #20: “Straight” Gigolos & Butt Virgins
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #20: Gigolos & Butt Virgins
Former kept boy and retired full-time escort “Dominick” transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate, where the art of the sell is supreme. He’s appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of appearances and upcoming publications here. Download free podcasts of Dominick’s readings at the Red Umbrella Diaries. A podcast - of his March 1 reading “Both Sides, Now”, teasing out dynamics of love, sex and work – is available here.
The last two installments of Red Umbrella Diaries were the launch of Pros(e), a collection of writings by people with experience in the sex industries; the inaugural volume is edited by Melissa Petro. I have three short pieces in the collection, along with contributions by Aimee Herman, Anna Saini, Dana Wright, Essence Revealed, Josh Ryley, Kelley Kenney, LD Sorrow, Lovely Brown, Marcia Chase, and Veronica Vera. Reviews are available on Goodreads. From the first review of my entry: “One doesn’t have to have nursed an un-named lover back from withdrawal to appreciate Dominick’s beautiful cadence in Cali Boy, but we can recognize the echoes of being addicted not to a drug, but a person.”
The e-book is available for $8 or the hard copy for $13 plus shipping at RedUP
Look for me at the upcoming launch party for Pros(e) at the Bureau of General Services – Queer Division a pop-up bookstore at 25 Orchard St in NYC, on Thursday, January 31stat 6 PM. I’ll be reading along with Aimee Herman, and we’ll have signed copies on hand for sale.
I hope y’all had a hot Jesus Day & a happy Mayan Apocalypse & blessed Winter Solstice – now bring it on 2013!
It’s funny what happens in the media. When I appeared with Dan Savage on his podcast last year, I made a point about how demand for escorts (whether male, female of transgender) mostly comes from men. I mentioned that in three years of being a full-time ‘bisexual’ escort, I had exactly one female client and one married couple. The rest of my clients were men. After that, I got media requests from newspapers and magazines about straight male escorts. Though I made it clear that calling myself ‘bisexual’ was largely marketing. I have known ‘walkers’–men who escort older ladies to charity functions. They weren’t sex studs for hire; mostly they benefited through social and business contacts. Stiil, it didn’t matter that I had no direct experience of gigolos – I’m now the media’s go-to person on the subject of straight male escorts. Now the questions are coming in from straight male escort themselves.
First up, from Italian Gigolo in Toronto:
Dear Dominick, I just read an article about the gigolo industry and i got your email. About me: I’m a male escort, straight but working gay-for-pay. I worked this last two summer in Toronto with great success; also worked as a stripper, but I’d like to focus on being a gigolo for wealthy women. i know there’s a market, but it’s so difficult to find the right way to get these women’s business. Can u recommend any serious agency in Toronto? i attach my pics, just so you know who I am. —Italian Gigolo
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #19: Renting Out Your Sex Life
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #19: Renting Out Your Sex Life
Former kept boy and retired full-time escort “Dominick” transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate, where the art of the sell is supreme. He’s appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of appearances and upcoming publications here. Download free podcasts of Dominick’s readings at the Red Umbrella Diaries. The latest podcast — of his March 1 reading “Both Sides, Now”, teasing out dynamics of love, sex and work — is available here.
December 6th Book Party in NYC!
Well, that blows: due to Sandy, the November installment of Red Umbrella Diaries was cancelled. But I’m appearing at the December 6th installment, which is the launch party for Pros(e). As always, it’s at Happy Ending, 302 Broome St, NYC at 8 PM. Pros(e) is a collection of writings by people with experience in the sex industries; the inaugural volume is edited by Melissa Petro. You can read her latest essay here.
First up a question from Jason in Chicago:
I’m a 32-year-old male from Illinois wanting to get in the business. Through my ups and downs one thing has always been great - my sex life. Any guidance or advice for exposure and client building in Chicagoland?
Is having a great sex life a prerequisite for becoming an escort? Most – though not all – of the escorts I’ve encountered over the years have been highly evolved sexual beings who are, to put it simply, good at sex. What does being good at sex mean? To my mind, it’s akin to being a good listener. You are attuned to and responsive to your partner’s scents and signals. A few I’ve known have expressed to me that they were unable to open up to sex until they starting doing sex work for a living. Others have shut down sexually due to the grind. (Consensual, non-transactional) sex is sex; sex work is work. Don’t conflate the two.
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #18— New Tricks of the Trade
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #18— New Tricks of the Trade
Former kept boy and retired full-time escort“Dominick” transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate—where the art of the sell is supreme. He’s appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of appearances and upcoming publications here. Download free podcasts of Dominick’s readings at the Red Umbrella Diaries. The latest podcast, “Case Closed” —an account of one New Jersey cop’s willingness to cross state lines (and several other boundaries) —is available here.
I’m hosting & curating the Thursday, November 1st installment of Red Umbrella Diaries at Happy Ending, 302 Broome St, NYC at 8 PM. Since the date falls on All Saint’s Day, the Christian Holiday that follows Halloween, the theme is “Trick-or-treating, Guising, and Beatific Visions” I’m asking each participant to describe: the most frightful call, the most elaborate get-up, and the holiest experience of heavenly joy. Among the readers scheduled to appear is inked hot red Brock Rustin. His twitter feed is a frequently hilarious peek into the day-to-day of an adult performer. If you’re interested in reading at this event, send me an email.
First up, a question from Rico in NYC:
I recently decided while waiting out the job market to renew my advertising on rentboy.com. Other than deleting my old (but hot) pics and updating them with recent ones, What advice can you give to a recently returned to the business escort over 40, that may make a difference in the amount of calls I receive? Are there sites more dedicated to my age bracket? Keywords I should/ shouldn’t use? The decision to go back into the market was not made lightly, and I want to make the most of this opportunity.—RICO in NYC
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #17: I want to be an American Gigolo
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #17: I want to be an American Gigolo
Former kept boy and retired full-time escort “Dominick” transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate, where the art of the sell is supreme. He’s appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of appearances and upcoming publications here. Download free podcasts of Dominick’s readings at the Red Umbrella Diaries. The latest podcast - of his March 1 reading “Both Sides, Now”, teasing out dynamics of love, sex and work – is available here.
This question came in via Dan Savage:Dan’s keeping busy lately, taking on the bigots at NOM and the like, so he fielded this question to me. The response published in the May 30 Savage Love was edited down for brevity. My full response appears below:
Dear Dominick,
I’m a straight male from Southern California and I really want to be a straight male escort. The problem is that this industry is shrouded with deceptive “agencies” that take advantage of the situation (I encountered similar several years ago when I thought about being a model… yeah, I know, typical). Also, it’s not like there’s a Male Escort 101 course that I can take to learn how to avoid these traps. I don’t know if you can help, but I really want to get into this industry, hopefully through a reputable agency. Do you have any advice, can you put me in touch with any male escorts (preferably straight ones) so I can pick their brains, and do you happen to know of a reputable agency in Southern California?
Thank you, confused, longing straight dude, for this opportunity to vent about American Gigolo, the 1980 film that feeds this fantasy of wanting to be a ‘straight male escort’. I was too young to see this R-rated film when it was released, but the theme song, Blondie’s siren, category-crossing Call Me, profoundly touched me, a disconnected teenage boy in white-flight suburban Long Island. I didn’t know what Debbie Harry meant by “Color me your color baby / Color me your car” – nor did I have any real idea of what ‘gigolo’ meant. But from the moment I heard that edgy beat, I wanted to move to New York City and come up off your color chart.
I only sat down to watch the film decades later- having first been the kept boy of a wealthy Englishman, and later a working (‘bisexual’) escort - and found it to be a conflated mess. Here’s a dirty secret about American Gigolo: in essence, it’s a gay story. Director Paul Schrader heterosexualized his script to attract stars, financing and a wider audience. The lead character Julian K’s preening, narcissistic, man-boy existence- workouts, fashion and sex- was the clichéd lifestyle of West Hollywood gay men. Tellingly, there are hints of Julian having had a sordid past working gay trade- implying he (improbably) transitioned from gay escort to gigolo. AG features Julian’s Black gay pimp as a protagonist - who winds up dead of defenestration. So on top of shoplifting a gay story, and trying to turn it straight, Schrader villainized the one gay (and Black!) character- how totally uncool. AG is the moral equivalent of a blackface performance of gay experience, by putatively straight characters.
This is all to say that there is no ‘industry’ of gigolos, as you suppose. There is no equivalent of rentboy.com serving a female clientele, for example. What you are seeking is a golden unicorn, a fantasy life, led perhaps by a very few rare men who possess the social connections, charisma and wardrobe to pull it off. This fantasy has been fed by cultural esoterica like AG and, more recently, the fictional cable series Hung, and the ‘reality’ show Gigolos (which has been revealed to have staged and paid for the encounters with female ‘clients’). The fact of the matter is the huge- Ray Drecker huge- majority of clients for escorts are males- whether they are looking for male, female, or transgendered escorts. Women hiring men is an exceptionally small niche of the sex work experience.
Although there are some trend stories out there about busy professional women hiring non-sexual male escorts for social occasions, I wouldn’t expect this to be your primary income. Most male escorts available for such describe themselves as moonlighting professionals. There are a few men who book occasional ‘paid dates’ with women, between gigs as actors, models, personal trainers, bodyguards, limo drivers, massage therapists, etc. There are certainly some men who indirectly profit from their relationships with wealthy women as “walkers”, i.e. discreet, socially presentable ‘plus ones’ for important functions such as charity balls. (I met a few such men in New York in the late Eighties, while accompanying my sugar daddy to various social functions). But you are very unlikely to earn a living either as a non-sexual companion or a gigolo; the occasional booking is the most you can expect.
While I was a full-time escort in New York City, I advertised as bisexual. I actually welcomed what few inquiries I received from women, just for the potential to mix it up. Over three years, I went on exactly one call with a female client - an attractive older woman, who seemed to be working through some intimacy issues. I also went on one call with a straight married couple in New Jersey, for a cuckolding scene (which was instigated by the husband).
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #16: How’d you find your Sugar Daddy?
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #16: How’d you find your Sugar Daddy?
Former kept boy and retired full-time escort “Dominick” transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate, where the art of the sell is supreme. He’s appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of appearances and upcoming publications here. Download free podcasts of Dominick’s readings at Red Umbrella Diaries. Podcast of his March 1 reading “Both Sides, Now” coming soon, promise! Previous podcast here.
I had a blast earlier this month at Happy Ending, for the last installment of Red Umbella Diaries, curated and hosted by Josh Ryley. Josh’s theme was Like a Virgin –stories of first-time experiences in the sex industry (because we were all virgins, once upon a time). His lineup included writer/performer Mike Albo, who delivered a moving disquisition on how maybe, just maybe, longing for each other across the great digital divide can put us in touch with our humanity. Josh’s own story was of the first time he was hired by a female, and brought to light his hilarious internal monologue during a bizarre call worthy of Blue Velvet.
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Today’s questions came in from Robert in Los Angeles:
I just put up my first ad ever, on rentboy.com, and might do my first hookup pretty soon. I’m 32, so maybe a bit late to this, but that’s the case with everything in my life. Anyway, what was it like being a kept boy? How’d you find your sugar daddy? How often did you get clients from rentboy? Do you think the risk of stings is great in Los Angeles? Also, I’m a bottom—do tops get a lot more business than bottoms? Or do you think it’s about equal?. Thanks a million.
Much luck to you, RR. I personally don’t feel that 32 is a “bit late.” I was 39 when I started escorting, and had a great run. As boomers age out, there is more and more demand from older men, and they do not all want to deal with twenty-something guys, who can be erratic and unreliable. Youth is coveted, but when it comes down to it, this is a man’S job. (Plus, you’re 27 in escort years ;)
As far as the demand for bottoms, this has been discussed in detail in a previous post: Top, Bottom, or Vers? It’s my experience that there’s far greater demand for tops. That said, if there is an area in the country that will support a bottom escort, it’s likely to be a large, diversified market like New York, Miami, or Los Angeles
I haven’t heard many reports of sting operations in Los Angeles, but it’s always best to be cautious. Check out clients using the tools and resources I’ve outlined in past posts (always get a phone number, verify addresses in detail with google maps, run reports on suspicious individuals, make sure a buddy knows where you’re going, keep the phone number of a lawyer in your wallet, avoid druggy scenes). Learn to say “no” when there is any doubt in your mind.
Years before I was a full-time escort, I met my sugar daddy, by accident. I was not looking for one at the time. Sure, I had some inchoate longing to live the life of a kept boy, ever since I heard the Blondie track Call Me (Theme from American Gigolo) as a sensitive, disconnected sixteen year old. At the time I met my sugar daddy (we’ll call him Mr. G), I was a college sophomore. A classmate of mine moved into my apartment as a roommate, to share expenses. He was always flying around the world to some exotic destination. One day, shortly after he’d moved in, I was walking home from classes, and he was coming down Fifth Avenue in a chauffeur-driven Jaguar XJ6. He screamed after me, I ran over to the car, and he introduced me to the owner of the car. Mr. G found me “enchanting” and I was invited to his Upper East Side townhouse. My roommate explained that we would be expected to drink cocktails and make conversation. Afterwards, we put on a tipsy little show for Mr. G, and we each went home with a crisp one hundred dollar bill.
Ask Dominick: Male Escort Advice Column #15: Material Boyfriend Material?
ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column #15: Material Boyfriend Material?
Former kept boy and retired full-time escort “Dominick” transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate, where the art of the sell is supreme. He’s appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of appearances and upcoming publications here. Download free podcasts of Dominick’s readings at the Red Umbrella Diaries. Podcast of his March 1 reading “Both Sides, Now” coming soon!
REPORT FROM THE HOOKIES:
Going to the Hookies was a blast, even if I lost in my category. (How can I mind losing to scruffy/hot/smart Heath Jordan?) I saw some old friends (Corey on the VIP bar, Nate at Cocky Boys, inked-and-antlered nominee Lantz, presenter Mike Albo, adorable Felix) and made some new ones (co-nominee Josh Riley, and— HELLO — Tommy Defendi— even hotter in person, and a total charmer) It was a night of old school/new school sexiness, with a measure of awkward- the audio was out for part of the ceremony, and most of the winners shuffled and mumbled through their acceptance “speeches”. (Funny how shy so many of us are in front of a crowd, when we’re so on point for an audience of one…) And was I alone in finding co-host Bianca del Rio’s insult schtick tired? There’s a line between “not taking ourselves too seriously” and a shrewish scold in a wig. I topped off the night with pizza at the Two Boots in Hell’s Kitchen- and small world, Hookies emcee Alec Mapa came for the same! OiNY.
Today’s question came from Material Boyfriend Material?
“I am not an escort, but recently, I tried to date one. We made out in a bar and then he asked me out for lunch, which, at first, I found kinda sweet. We would have nice conversations, go our separate ways, and then in a week or so he would ask me to lunch again. Over the next couple of months, we met up several times during the day. It would always take a lot of scheduling. He explained he was always juggling clients and needed to keep his nights free. He was very open about his profession, and I was very open-minded about it. We would have a nice time because he is funny and interesting along with, of course, being super hot. I ignored the cautious words from my friends. I wanted to think outside our social confines and believe that dating a sex worker may actually work. I would think things were not moving further, but then he kept calling me. I was always hoping for an evening date, when we could go see a movie, get a couple of glasses of red wine in us and get closer. But I could never get very far with him. We always had daytime sexless meet-ups, where he would tell me about his clients and how hard it was to be an escort. I got the sense he was sort of sexually exhausted. In fact it seemed like the sexual part of him wasn’t available to me, or even that part that sends out clear signals. After a few months of this, I decided to give up. Maybe I should have said something, but I was enjoying the slow build and getting to know him. Maybe he was, as they say, just not that into me. Regardless it brings up the question: Is there some unique way to date an escort…or is it impossible to date a working guy?”
First I want to give props to MBM? for being open to dating a working boy. One too many prissy gays have casually trashed escorts in the course of getting to know me, unaware of my prior stint. I loved seeing their expressions change from randy expectancy to puzzled disappointment as I abruptly ended the flirtation. No dick for you, hater!
While I can’t speak to the particular circumstance of your working boy (he seems a bit conflicted honestly— but I’m not going to diagnose someone on the basis of a third-party account), I can share my own experience with the notion of dating while escorting. While working as a full-time escort, I came to understand that my sex life was no longer my own. I was renting it out, so it wasn’t available to me- like that second bedroom that used to be your home office or your guest room, but now has a paying tenant. At my latest reading for Red Umbrella Diaries, I sought to tease out comparisons between transactional sex and relationship sex, among other oppositions. I discussed my where my longings led me in the off-hours, and how hard it was to line up non-transactional sex or romance. After fulfilling fantasies and desires for others all week, I longed for someone to flip the script on me, on my time. He had to be an expert, too — no slackers!
