IN MEMORIAM: ARPAD MIKLOS by Colby Keller via BigShoeDiaries

If you haven’t already heard the sad news, “Colby Crush” and fellow costar Arpad Miklos committed suicide this Saturday.  Arpad was 45.  Director Kristen Bjorn discovered Miklos in Hungary where he worked as a chemist.  Arpad’s talents as an aggressive well-endowed top quickly earned him superstar status. 

I didn’t know Arpad well, but worked with him on several different memorable scenes.  He was an incredible performer— dedicated and professional.  Off screen, his sense of humor kept cast and crew continually entertained.  My fondest memory involves his unusual appreciation of German hand cheese, or Handkäse.  I made the mistake of buying a block at a local farmer’s market while on location with Ray Dragon.  While I’m an adventurous eater, the waxy ball of translucent cheese had the faint aroma (and strong taste) of iodine soaked bandages.  I took one bite and nearly threw the whole chunk straight in the trash can.  A delicacy of his native Hungary, Arpad greeted the uneaten ball of cheese with enthusiasm and graciously offered to take the whole batch off my hands.  I watched in amazement as he  sliced two huge chunks from the ball and immediately scarfed them down, pocketing the rest. 

While I don’t pretend to fully know the rationale behind his decision, I can say that I’ve struggled myself with depression and suicide.  Like any physically-demanding, socially-vexed form of labor, sex work isn’t easy work— not least because of the stigma and meager income.  You give a lot of yourself for what can seem like very little in return.  It can take its toll emotionally.  The naked body is a vulnerable body after-all.  We should remember to celebrate Arpad, the sexy man behind the scenes and in front of the camera who gave so much of himself for our desire, and not condemn a choice privately considered and personally significant enough to result in such extreme measures. 

My thoughts go out to his family and friends.  He’ll be sorely missed.        

~this story was originally written by Colby Keller for BigShoeDiaries


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  6. diogokarimbo said: Crap! I’m sad too. :(
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